Target: Mafia Randomness
by The Mafia-ish Addiction
Summary: Target #02 Indoor Plumbing: Mukuro Rokudo always had a strange fixation on something and when he got stuck into the past, everything went haywire and the mist almost lost the little bit of sanity he's got left!. (Series of unrelated one-shots involving the characters of KHR. Centering in friendship, family and mostly humor...)
1. Target 01: Edible Paper Work

**_This is purely for the sake of humor…and for fulfilling my mad attempts on trying to entertain people. (I am such a good fellow~ xD!)_**

**Title: _Edible Paper Work_**_**  
**_

**Character: Tsunayoshi Sawada, Reborn**_**, brief appearances by others. No pairings**_

**Summary: _ Into which Tsuna thought of an ingenious plan to escape paper work and Reborn wondered if his student is still okay in the head._**_**  
**_

**Genre: **_**Humor**_

**Warning:**_**May not be humor-ish enough but I did my best. Excuse the errors, I am lazy.**_

**Disclaimer: _KHR is not mine, this is a fanfiction for obvious reasons. _**

**Enjoy!**

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_**Target 01: Edible Paper Works.**_

He's sick of it, definitely sick of it but no matter how hard he try to he can't get rid, of them for obvious reasons. They would often sprout back up, it was as if the damn beings have a mind of their own and goes like 'let's go forth, fuck each other senseless and multiply' Seriously, no matter what he does or how fast he forces himself to finish things up, the file upon file of the dreadful thing seems to never stop.

Just look at the callouses in his hands! Not to mention all those meals he had to skip and he barely even have a Sunday for a rest day! Seriously, even God himself takes a break and he can't?

He blamed everything to it!

It was a Curse...

It was an Omen...

It was Bad Luck...

It was Bad Karma...

It's called Paper Work!

Ah, Paper Work the common enemy of all bosses. The 'dreadful entities' as Tsuna, _lovingly _addressed them is now being piled up, if he may add,again on his table. He swore he can even feel their mocking glances and he can seem to hear little tiny, teeny-tiny and evil voices chanting words like 'you can't rid of us' and 'we are your worst nightmare'

"I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE!" The young don shouted out surprising and eventually scaring the employee that is currently changing the red velvet curtains from his office. Tsuna having realized it, apologized immediately. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Nagato-san."

"It's okay Decimo. I see, your quite in a lot of work."

"I just can't seem to reduce this things. My guardians and the Varia just can't seem to understand the concept of 'too much paper work is too much' plus all the other things I needed to care for. There's the alliance meetings, transactions, everyone's well-being, my hellish training from Reborn, running away from fangirls..." The boss counted everything one by one before slumping in his chair "I just wanted a break..."

"Here Decimo, have one" The woman produced some sweets from her pocket, having taken pity on his kind and hard=working boss "My daughter baked them for their class, she always tells me that if I'm stressed then I should eat sweets. You should too"

"Thank You." The young don smiled at her, taking a piece of the candy being offered.

"You can eat the inner wrapper."

"But, aren't they made of paper?"

"They're called edible parchment. It's a type of paper thin-like edible made mostly from flour and...sorry Decimo, I can't seem to remember. Should have listened to my daughter more."

"Don't worry about it and this are really good. Thank you, Mrs. Nagato" Tsuna chewed on the candy.

"My pleasure, Decimo." The maid went on her way, leaving the young Decimo on his own thoughts. A few seconds later, an evil smile formulated on the Vongola boss's lips.

Tsuna grinned as a rather brilliant plan formed on his mind.

**_the day that followed..._**

"Dame-Tsuna, better have finished your paper work before sundown or else..."

"Hai!" Tsuna inwardly rolled his eyes, because showing them to others is unboss-like, according to Reborn. The Hitman walked out of the room. "I'm only going to prepare a cup of Espresso for myself and will be back momentarily so don't you dare run away."

"As if I can" Tsuna stated almost to himself, _almost_

"What was that?" Reborn pointed his Leon-turned gun at his student.

"Nothing."

"Remember, finish everything up." Reborn warned before finally leaving the room.

Tsuna smiled to himself in a rather unnerving way. Finish, eh? Okay, finish it is then...

**_Ten minutes later..._**

Reborn walked back to his student's office with a cup of carefully brewed to perfection, Espresso. He opened the door.

...only to have almost, almost dropped the cup on the floor. His jaws dropped, no not really but it did turn into an 'o' shape. "What are you doing?"

Tsuna looked at his tutor_innocently_. "I'm doing exactly what you told me, finish everything up" the boy stated as if it was the most normal thing on earth before taking a bite from a piece of paper he's holding. A faint ripping sound was heard as the young boss pulled the paper away, leaving a small piece stuck in between his teeth.

He chewed.

"Dame-Tsuna, What's going on in your head?" The tutor asked, trying to be as calm as possible. Seriously tough, he's beginning to lose his cool. What the hell is going on with his Dame-student? Had he gone insane?

"Oh, is that for me?" The student walked near his tutor, ignoring the question. Taking the cup of Espresso from Reborn, who is now having an unreadable expression, he took a sip. "Thanks Reborn, I really needed something to drink, these papers are a mouthful" To Reborn's horror, his student picked another paper, dipped them in the tutor's freshly brewed espresso before putting the paper in his mouth, eating it with gusto. Tsuna even opened his mouth with a small 'ah' and licked his lips slightly "See Reborn, I swallowed everything!" The boss beamed at his accomplishment.

"Stop that!" Reborn finally came to his senses and walked forward to his student aiming for the cup only for Tsuna to back away from his tutor with furrowed eyebrows.

"But why? You said to finish it all, If I stop now then I won't finish everything up. There's still too many of them."

"Forget what I said, stop what you're doing Dame-Tsuna!" The tutor reached out for his student. Tsuna nodded in understanding "Okay, but what about the remaining papers? Would you finish them all for me instead?"

"No"

The teen frowned "Never mind then, If I don't finish everything now. You people will probably going to pile me with more! As if I'm immune to them, I'm only human you know I get tired, but who am I to complain? Besides I'm the boss" The young boss complained.

The Hitman frowned. Had he really overloaded his student with too much paper work that he had gone insane? Maybe he had been too greedy with giving him breaks? He must have pushed Dame-Tsuna too hard.

"Have a break, Dame-Tsuna" Reborn finally stated. They can't have a boss that turned insane now, can they? Besides, he's worried sick for his favorite student, not that he'll say it out loud "Go to your room and rest. Your guardians will take care of your paper works"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, now go and rest" Tsuna nodded, thankfully. Reborn watched as his student walked out of the office, still holding the cup of espresso in his hands. The Hitman dialed a familiar number. "Shamal, get your ass here in an instant."

_"Reborn, can't I'm in a country I don't even know and speaking a language I can't decipher"_

"What the hell are you doing away from Italy?" Reborn asked not bothering to hide his growing irritation.

_"There's this pretty lady with a large booby and no I'm not stalking her."_

"I don't care about your womanizing adventures, be here tomorrow or I'll personally hunt you down and pray I don't find you or you won't get to use that manly pride of yours any longer. Make me wait longer than necessary and you'll get worse"

Shamal doesn't have to be a genius to understand what the other meant. _"I'll be there"_

"Good." The Arcobaleno let his animal partner go back to his real form before walking out of the office to hunt for his Dame-student's guardians.

**...iOiOiOiOiOi...**

_**the next day, at the Vongola Mansion...**_

"Lambo-sama is hungry. Can't Lambo-sama take a break?" Lambo wailed as he signed one of the papers assigned to him. He drew a kiddy picture of a cow's head on the lower right corner, just like how he did with the rest. It was very typical of him.

"Lambo, Reborn said to not get out of the room until all papers are signed, documented and sorted within importance" Chrome tried to calm the youngest guardian.

"Kufufufu, remind me to refrain from destroying anything ever again" Mukuro announced as he desperately tried to move his hand to try signing another paper. On his right sat Gokudera who by everyone else's envy had signed the paper work assigned to him with 'full speed' while muttering something about 'making Jyuudaime proud' Across the bomber sat Takeshi who had slept peacefully, with a wide grin adorned in his face. No one bothered to wake him up, if there's someone who finishes last then it's better not be them.

"This is ridiculous" Kyoya grunted as he signed another paper.

"Quiet Kyoya, I want to finish early." In came Ryohei, of all people, concentrating for once in his life about something that got nothing to do with boxing.

Just then, Takeshi woke up. "Yo!"

"Finally, Baseball-baka better start signing your assigned paper work! You've slacked off for hours" Hayato threw a spare pen at the rain guardian who caught it with ease. "Eh, wait there's more?"

"Idiot, you never signed one paper!?" The bomber really wanted to blast the idiot away but that'll only result to more papers. It took a lot of energy for the storm to not lash out and bomb the grinning idiot known as Takeshi Yamamoto.

"I thought we don't have to sign them and just stamp them with this?" Takeshi showed a genuine Vongola stamp. "It's got Tsuna's signature engraved on it by Spanner. We are to use them. That's what Reborn told us to do."

The other guardian's stared with disbelief. Can they kill themselves now?

Right there and then, they have al decided...Paper work is the horror that came to hunt them down.

_**meanwhile... in a cruise ship, somewhere in the Pacific.**_

"Ah, this is the life..." Tsuna took a sip from his fresh strawberry-mango shake and stared at the vast sky. He had finally escaped his dreaded work and to top it all, managed to 'run away' from Reborn.

He's plan had been really ingenious. From him secretly purchasing those edible parchments, finding out about edible inks (eating blank papers can be suspicious, he bought the ink to be on the safe side) and acting every part from chewing on said parchment and drinking from Reborn's espresso. He had planned it all! He even acted a little emo-ish for some added effect.

He's a genius, isn't he?

That or Reborn had already rubbed off on him with sadism...

"I wonder how long they'll take to find us." Enma sat beside his friend, Also successful in running away from his paper work and letting his guardians suffer with the idea of having their fingers turn numb and their insanity hanging by a mere thread. Not far away was Dino, Byakuran and Yuni enjoying the magnificent view that the sea can offer. Byakuran even have a fishing pole with him, with unsurprisingly, a marshmallow hooked on it as a bait. Xanxus, with a little surprise is also their, sitting on his high chair without a care in the world. How he managed to bring the chair undetected, no one knows.

Tsuna being the thoughtful boss he is, shared the idea of edible parchment and edible ink to the other bosses.

"Who cares? This is Freedom!" The now eighteen year old announced, enjoying his precious moments away from the thing he dreaded the most.

Goodbye Paper Work..._for now._

**_with Reborn..._**

"So it's edible?" Reborn asked with disbelief.

"Yes"

"Dame-Tsuna is not really sick in the head?" Reborn no matter how pissed he is now at his student, sighed with relief.

"No, I'm sure his sanity is still intact or he wouldn't have thought of his scheme."

"So my Dame-student tricked me?" The Hitman twitched.

"Yes, obviously and you fell for it"

Reborn smirked evilly "Well, looks like you're finally learning Dame-Tsuna. However tricking me is a bad thing to do, my dear student. Prepare for a great welcome once you return." Evil cackling and thundering sounds accompanied the Hitman's menacing evil aura.

Shamal could have sworn he saw Armageddon waiting to happen. He never liked boys in particular and normally he wouldn't care about whatever would happen to them, but now he can't help but pray for the Vongola boss's safety.

Hopefully, Tsunayoshi survives the ordeal.

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**So as the title suggests, this would be random one-shots that are unrelated to each other. This is humor-ish? (I think...)**

**Updates are rare...**

**Review?**


	2. Target 02: Indoor Plumbing

**Never expect to get that much review, follow and fav. for the first random one-shot. You guys made me a happy, jolly, grinning-like-an-idiot type of person. So now, enjoy another randomness!**

**Title:**_**Indoor Plumbing**_

**Character:**_**Mukuro Rokudo, brief appearances by others. No pairings**_

**Summary:**_**Mukuro Rokudo always had a strange fixation on something and when he got stuck into the past, everything went haywire and the mist almost lost the little bit of sanity he's got left!**_

**Genre:**_**Humor**_

**Warning:**_**May not be humor-ish enough but I did my best. Excuse the errors, I am lazy.**_

**Disclaimer:**_**I can't even draw descent stick people.**_

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~Indoor Plumbing~

Mukuro Rokudo, Tsuna's male mist is likely the most complicated to be understood amongst all of the guardians. Like his element, he's deceitful, mysterious and sometimes complex. Really, no matter how aloof he is, Hibari is more likely to be understood.

You'll never really know what's going on in the illusionists mind, unless you pay attention to every detail no matter how intricate (and sometimes childish) it may be.

Say for example his seemingly over obsessiveness when it comes to personal hygiene. Okay, personal hygiene is a must and who would want to smell and look like a drunk caveman anyway, but Mukuro's is a whole new level even surpasing that of Kyoko and Haru's and considering how the two are when it comes to taking care of their physical body, that's saying something.

One more thing, as freaky and as horrifying it may sound; Mukuro Rokudo had a strange fixation with…

Bathrooms. Yes, you've read right, Bathrooms.

No, he's not romantically involved with the inanimate object; he's just attached in a way other people may never understand. His fixation, if ever can be considered being way over the top. Like Giotto's with cakes, Lambo with grape candy and Kyoya with Namimori. When a Bathroom is concerned, everything should be utterly perfect. A single mistake may be considered a crime. His obsessiveness had even gone as far as heading the design team for every single Bathroom in every Vongola owned Mansions, in exception with the main HQ in Italy (only because no matter how much he begged, Tsuna won't let him. He even made an effort with a puppy dog eyes, dammit)

So when Mukuro Rokudo was faced with a rather horrifying situation, the male Mist had almost lost what had been left of his sanity.

It all started with an unplanned and 'It-was-Gianini's-fault' trip to the past.

So this is what happened.

_**Yesterday…**_

_"Shoichi-kun!"_

_"Male Mist guardian-sama, Shoichi's currently helping the Millefiorre with their security system and won't be back for a couple more days." Gianini, holding a screw driver informed the man._

_"Kufufu~ too bad. I was gonna ask him about adding 3D effects on my personal bathroom in Namimori."_

_"I can do it for you, Mukuro-sama"_

_"No, thank you." The male mist dropped the offer instantly, being warned of the mechanics tendency to fail with 'helping' He wouldn't want anything bad happening to his safe haven, does he?_

_"What are you doing with the cow-brat's bazooka? I assume you haven't gotten permission from Tsunayoshi-kun. Kufufu~" the guardian laughed eerily, noticing the mechsanic's current 'project'_

_"I was hoping to impress Decimo with a new upgrade on the bazooka."_

_"Did he give you permission?" Mukuro stared rather creepily as his heterochromatic eyes shone mischievously. Maybe if Tsunayoshi-kun found out about the mechanic's schemes, the Vongola Sky will let him have a little fun tortur- lecturing said man…yep, he's currently one bored pineapple. Hey, he wouldn't be if Tsuna gave him a mission, but the boss did not. So it's not the illusionist's fault._

_"No" Guilty as charged- no, not really, it was Mukuro's gaze that made him shiver. Gianini handed the purple bazooka towards the mist guardian._

_…only to have tripped over a piece of metal, round gear lying abandoned on the floor. Hitting an unsuspecting mist guardian with the device._

_"Oya" Mukuro chuckled having registered what's to happen, thinking a little trip to time could do him some entertainment. If only he knew what lies ahead, he would have dodged._

_Then he vanished._

_Gianini's eyes turned wary and cold sweat dripped down his body._

_He had no idea what his 'upgrades' had done with the Bazooka! If more, he's not even done with it yet._

_**Meanwhile….**_

_Mukuro Rokudo expected to see the future, with at least one of the guardians or in one case or another, he expected his future self to be on some kind of a mission. The one where he got to terrorize his victims, If he may add, in a very 'artistic' way._

_However where he found himself gave him the ultimate shock of the day._

_There where chickens running around everywhere, a cow or two mooing, half-naked kids all over, men and women wearing old era clothes and acres by acres of corn fields._

_Plus a language he only managed to recognize due to a certain CEDEF member._

_"who arth thou?"Why arth thou in thy humble village?"_

_Mukuro blinked at the child who sensed his presence. "Kufufu, I'm a traveller. Do you know a place I can stay?"_

_"Follow thee"_

_The child led him to an inn._

_"Ah, welcome sire."The innkeeper, a bulky man with large muscles, greeted._

_"A room, please" Mukuro had some illusionary payment ready. Yes, it's wrong but he's got no other choice. It's not like they got free access to convenience every time they time travel. Besides, not to mention he's a mafioso._

_He got a room._

_The place was actually quite refreshing. It was like a breath of brand new environment for the young man. Things are going okay and seems like nothing will ever go wrong._

_Apparently, not._

_"Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom" Mukuro asked, being polite for the first time in his life. Just how far in the past is he anyway? That the rooms, no actually the inn itself had no single toilet for the people to use and not even a single indoor shower was present._

_Looks like indoor plumbing and etiquette is yet to be invented. It won't be that hard right?_

_"Ah, bathroom. To bury treasure, I presume" the innkeeper paused before going inside a room and returning with a shovel and a pail_

_ "Sir, thee is a shovel and a pail. Fill thy pail with water from the well outside." The innkeeper then pointed at the forest "I recommend you to not use the eastern area, people don't bury their treasures properly there."_

oh holy sh*t! does these freaking people are so unethical! Gross! So they just 'dump and go' on a random area and not care if unsuspecting victims step on their 'discarded cargo' and, and what about the goddamn freaking smell!?

_And he thought he's creepy. This moment is a lot freakier! Does the man suggest that he's suppose to dump his 'baggage' in the forest and bury it with the shovel then wash using the pail of water? Oh god, the horror! the horror! It's like hell all over again, only this time it's way worst! What about proper bathroom etiquette and not to mention sanitation? and worst, how is he going to sanitize his hands without alcohol? _

_"Kufufu~ I don't feel so needing it now" With a fear-stricken face, he walked away as fast as he can (probably to find a random corner and weep his heart out, in secret)_

_At least it won't get any worst._

_He jinxed himself._

_"Where's the shower room?" _

_"Sir, it's a tuesday" The innkeeper laughed at him as if he's some insane idiot. "Sir, today is Tuesday, no shower today! Thy shower is on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and occassionaly on sunday" _

_What? No indoor toilet and now scheduled shower?_

_Mukuro feared this very day. Where he would end up having a fowler smell than Ken, whom most of the time had been forced to take a bath. _

_He wanted to get out of there! Forget breathe of fresh air!_

_Unfortunately, there's no way of saying how long he'd be staying._

_And so to think that the time frequency had been different for both time zones. The guardian had been stuck into the past for almost a month. Even if in the current time, he's only been gone for barely twenty minutes._

So when the Vongola mechanics managed to get him back, the first thing he did is to run towards his room, open his bathroom door and plunged himself into his bathtub with all of his clothing still on.

The next days, the rest of the Familgia would often see the male mist guardian invading someone else's bathroom... either taking a shower and or using the others private toiletries for his own free consumption.

Needless to say, no one took it so easily.

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** End. Till the next random one-shot.**

**Comments are appreciated.**


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